EMDR for Grief and Loss: When Grief and Trauma Become Intertwined
Grief can change everything. And when a loss also involved something frightening, traumatic, unexpected, or deeply distressing, you may find yourself carrying more than grief alone.
This can be especially true after pregnancy loss, stillbirth, infant loss, a difficult birth, medical trauma, or the sudden loss of someone you love. You may understand that you are grieving while also feeling stuck in particular memories, images, emotions, or reactions that continue to feel intensely present.
EMDR therapy is one approach that may be incorporated into trauma-focused treatment when grief and traumatic experiences overlap. Rather than trying to make you “move on,” EMDR can help address the distress connected to specific experiences while making space for your grief to be honored.
Key Takeaways
Grief is a natural response to loss, but sometimes grief becomes intertwined with traumatic experiences that continue to feel intensely distressing.
EMDR can be used as part of trauma-focused therapy when distressing memories or experiences surrounding a loss remain highly activated.
Pregnancy loss, stillbirth, infant loss, and traumatic birth experiences can involve both grief and trauma.
EMDR does not erase memories or eliminate grief. The goal is to reduce the distress associated with traumatic memories while honoring the significance of the loss.
There is no universal timeline for when someone should seek trauma-focused support after a loss.
An EMDR Intensive may be an option for some people who want dedicated time to work through trauma-related experiences connected to a loss.
When Grief and Trauma Become Intertwined
Grief is not something that needs to be fixed.
Losing someone or something that mattered to you can change the way you experience the world. Grief can come in waves, shift over time, and look different from one person to another.
But sometimes a loss also includes experiences that feel traumatic.
Maybe you received devastating news unexpectedly. Maybe you witnessed something you can't stop replaying. Maybe there were medical decisions, complications, or moments when you felt powerless. Maybe the loss happened suddenly or under circumstances that were frightening or overwhelming.
In these situations, you may find yourself experiencing both grief and trauma-related distress.
You might notice:
intrusive memories or images
feeling intensely activated by reminders
avoiding certain places, conversations, or experiences
guilt or “what if” thoughts
difficulty talking about what happened
feeling disconnected or numb
anxiety surrounding future pregnancies or medical care
intense emotional reactions that seem difficult to control
None of these experiences mean there is a “right” or “wrong” way to grieve.
They may simply be signs that there is more happening than grief alone.
How Can EMDR Help With Traumatic Grief?
Talk therapy can provide something incredibly important after a loss: a place to be heard and accompanied.
For some people, however, talking about what happened doesn't fully address the distress that remains connected to particular memories or experiences.
This is one area where EMDR may be helpful.
EMDR focuses on specific memories, images, beliefs, emotions, and body sensations associated with distressing experiences. Rather than requiring you to repeatedly retell the entire story, the work can focus on the parts of the experience that continue to feel particularly charged.
That might be:
the moment you received the news
a medical procedure
something that happened during a birth
an image you can't get out of your mind
something you wish you had done differently
a moment when you felt powerless
a memory that continues to bring up intense fear, guilt, anger, or sadness
The goal isn't to erase what happened.
You don't have to forget someone in order to heal from what happened to you.
EMDR may help change the way particularly distressing memories are experienced so that they feel more like something that happened then, rather than something your mind and body are continuing to experience as if it is happening now.
Pregnancy Loss and Perinatal Grief
Pregnancy loss can carry layers of grief that are difficult to put into words.
A miscarriage, stillbirth, termination for medical reasons, or infant loss can involve not only the loss itself, but also the loss of an anticipated future, hopes, plans, and the experience of becoming or continuing to be a parent in the way you imagined.
And sometimes the loss involves a traumatic medical experience as well.
You may have experienced:
a frightening diagnosis
an emergency procedure
a difficult delivery
feeling dismissed or unsupported by medical providers
seeing or experiencing something you weren't prepared for
physical pain alongside emotional loss
fear about whether you will be able to have another pregnancy
anxiety during a subsequent pregnancy
For some mothers, a later pregnancy can bring previous experiences rushing back.
A positive pregnancy test that once might have represented uncomplicated excitement may instead bring fear, hypervigilance, or the feeling that something terrible is about to happen.
EMDR may be one treatment approach considered when previous experiences of pregnancy loss, birth trauma, or medical trauma continue to affect you in the present.
What Does EMDR for Grief Look Like?
EMDR for grief is not about rushing you through your loss.
The work begins with understanding your experience—what happened, what the loss means to you, what continues to feel distressing, and what you hope will be different.
Preparation and stabilization are an important part of EMDR treatment. For some people, this means spending time building resources for managing activation, increasing awareness of what is happening in the moment, and developing ways to stay present when difficult emotions or memories arise.
When you're ready for processing, your therapist may help you identify specific memories or experiences that continue to carry significant distress.
The work is individualized and paced collaboratively.
And grief itself doesn't need to disappear for the work to be meaningful.
You may continue to miss someone.
You may continue to feel sadness about a pregnancy or baby you lost.
You may still have difficult days.
The goal is not to take away the meaning of the relationship or the loss. It is to create space for the grief without the traumatic aspects of the experience having to carry all of the weight.
What About an EMDR Intensive for Grief and Loss?
An EMDR Intensive offers dedicated therapeutic time across three consecutive days, rather than spacing trauma-focused work across traditional weekly appointments.
At Soulglow Wellness, the three-day intensive is structured as:
Day 1 — Virtual
The intensive begins virtually, creating space to establish the foundation for the work before transitioning into the in-person portion.
Days 2 and 3 — Downtown Frederick
The second and third days take place in a comfortable downtown Frederick office with free parking, approximately a three-minute walk from Baker Park.
The office is also close to local coffee shops, restaurants, shops, and wellness businesses, giving you options to step outside, take a walk, grab a coffee, or have lunch nearby during your break.
An intensive isn't about rushing grief or trying to process everything in three days.
It's about creating more space for focused therapeutic work.
For some people, that concentrated format can feel supportive when they have been carrying a loss for a long time and want dedicated time to address specific trauma-related experiences.
For others, weekly therapy or another form of grief support may be more appropriate.
The question isn't simply, “Can I do an EMDR intensive?”
It's “Would this format be supportive and clinically appropriate for the work I need right now?”
Is It Too Soon for EMDR After a Loss?
There isn't one universal timeline that applies to everyone.
Immediately following a loss, you may need space to receive support, process what has happened, attend to practical needs, and simply get through the next day.
For someone else, a particular traumatic aspect of the experience may be what brings them to therapy relatively soon.
The timing and type of treatment should be individualized.
You also don't have to wait a certain number of months or years before you're “allowed” to seek support.
If you're unsure whether what you're experiencing is primarily grief, trauma, or a combination of both, that's something you can explore with a therapist.
Can EMDR Help With Pregnancy Loss?
EMDR may be incorporated into trauma-focused therapy following pregnancy loss, stillbirth, or infant loss when clinically appropriate.
For some women, the loss itself is the primary focus. For others, there are specific traumatic experiences surrounding the loss—such as a medical procedure, frightening diagnosis, difficult delivery, or distressing memories—that continue to cause significant distress.
Treatment is individualized and may include preparation, stabilization, grief support, and trauma processing depending on your needs.
Can EMDR Help With Grief During a Subsequent Pregnancy?
A subsequent pregnancy after loss can bring complicated emotions.
You may feel hopeful and terrified at the same time.
You may find yourself constantly monitoring symptoms, struggling to trust your body, worrying about appointments, or feeling disconnected from the pregnancy because allowing yourself to feel hopeful feels too vulnerable.
When these experiences are connected to previous trauma or loss, EMDR may be one approach considered as part of treatment.
The goal isn't to guarantee that you won't feel anxious during a subsequent pregnancy.
It's to explore the experiences contributing to that anxiety and determine what kind of support would be most helpful.
You Don't Have to Choose Between Grieving and Healing
Sometimes people worry that if they process a traumatic loss, they will somehow be letting go of the person, pregnancy, baby, relationship, or future they lost.
But processing trauma doesn't mean forgetting.
And feeling better doesn't mean the loss mattered less.
You can continue to love someone and still want the memories surrounding their loss to feel less overwhelming.
You can grieve a pregnancy while also wanting support for the fear that remains after the loss.
You can remember what happened without having to relive the most painful parts of it every time something reminds you.
Grief deserves space. And so do you.
How Do I Know If EMDR for Grief Is Right for Me?
If you're wondering whether EMDR might be appropriate after a loss, a consultation can be a place to start.
Together, you can talk about what happened, what you're experiencing now, what you're hoping will change, and whether EMDR—or another form of support—makes sense for you.
There is no requirement to have your grief figured out before reaching out.
You can simply start with:
“Something about this loss is still really affecting me, and I don't know what I need.”
That's enough to begin the conversation.
About Soulglow Wellness
Soulglow Wellness L.L.C. is a private therapy practice in Frederick, Maryland specializing in EMDR Intensives and maternal mental health.
Brittney Brossart, LCSW-C, works with women navigating pregnancy, postpartum experiences, birth trauma, medical trauma, attachment wounds, anxiety, overwhelm, and the complexities of motherhood.
Her approach is trauma-informed, collaborative, and individualized, integrating EMDR with somatic and parts-informed practices when appropriate.
Three-day EMDR Intensives are available for women who are seeking focused trauma therapy, with Day 1 held virtually and Days 2 and 3 held in person in downtown Frederick.
Frequently Asked Questions About EMDR for Grief and Loss
Can EMDR help with grief and loss?
EMDR may be helpful when grief is accompanied by traumatic or highly distressing experiences. It can be incorporated into trauma-focused treatment to address specific memories, images, and experiences that continue to cause significant distress.
Can EMDR help after pregnancy loss?
Yes, EMDR may be considered following miscarriage, stillbirth, infant loss, or termination for medical reasons when trauma-related symptoms are present and the approach is clinically appropriate.
Does EMDR erase memories of someone who died?
No. EMDR does not erase memories. The goal is to reduce the distress associated with traumatic memories while preserving the person's memories and the meaning of the relationship.
How soon after a loss can I do EMDR?
There is no universal timeline. The appropriate timing depends on the individual, the nature of the loss, current support and stability, and what you are experiencing. A consultation can help determine whether trauma processing is appropriate at that point.
Can I do an EMDR Intensive for grief?
An EMDR Intensive may be appropriate for some people experiencing grief alongside traumatic memories or experiences. At Soulglow Wellness, intensives take place over three consecutive days, with Day 1 virtual and Days 2 and 3 in person in downtown Frederick, Maryland.
Can EMDR help with anxiety after pregnancy loss?
EMDR may be considered when anxiety following pregnancy loss is connected to traumatic experiences or memories from the loss. Treatment is individualized and may involve both stabilization and trauma processing.
