How to Widen your Window of Tolerance
In my previous blog post, I wrote about what the Window of Tolerance is and how we can begin to identify when we are inside or outside of it. Our nervous system is a wonderful communicator and is often trying to point us toward an unmet need. So, buckle up and get curious.
Recap: What Is the Window of Tolerance?
The Window of Tolerance is a concept developed by psychiatrist Dr. Dan Siegel that refers to how our nervous system responds to life's stressors and our capacity to manage them. When we are within our window, we often feel connected, calm, grounded, and able to notice and experience our emotions without being completely swept away by them.
Meeting our nervous system where it is allows us to shift back into our window of tolerance. Sometimes, though, we need to discharge energy before we can move into a more regulated state.
At times, I see people move too quickly toward a tool that is the opposite of how they are feeling. For example, someone may be feeling anxious, with sweaty palms and restless energy, and then try lying under a weighted blanket, only to still feel completely on edge. This can happen because they haven't connected with or moved through the restlessness yet.
By the way—the weighted blanket could still be very helpful, just later. Think timing rather than abandoning what you already know works for you.
Consider how anxiety often shows up: jitteriness, a racing heart, and a surplus of energy. You may want to begin with an approach that meets that energy where it is rather than immediately trying to move into the opposite state.
Through different approaches—such as nervous system regulation techniques, EMDR, somatic exercises, and the plethora of other strategies that have existed for millennia—you can intentionally widen your window of tolerance over time.
Here are some ideas that I often explore with others and use myself.
Potential Nervous System Tools to Recalibrate
Hyperarousal
(Fight, flight, overwhelm, anxiety, anger, feeling on edge)
Move your body: walking, running, dancing, or even jumping for 30 seconds.
Try somatic shaking—shake your body from head to toe.
Push against a wall or into a cushion.
Connect with something cold: drink cold water, hold an ice cube, or use a cold compress.
Use bilateral tapping or bilateral tones (many options can be found on Spotify or Apple Music).
Listen to music that matches how you're feeling. For me, that usually means early 2000s music.
Spend time in nature.
Hypoarousal
(Freeze, fawn, withdrawal, shutdown, collapse)
Feelings of overstimulation can sometimes lead to a hypoaroused state as well.
Take inventory of your five senses. Notice what feels comfortable and what feels uncomfortable right now.
If certain sensory input feels overwhelming, see what you can adjust. Try using headphones, finding a quiet space, or dimming bright lights.
Use a weighted blanket. The gentle pressure can provide a soothing sense of containment.
Give yourself permission to temporarily check out. Watch a favorite comfort show or take a break from your usual responsibilities.
Use anchoring tools. Our senses are powerful regulators. Consider a calming essential oil or a comforting temperature experience, such as sipping hot tea, cocoa, or ice-cold water.
Orient to your surroundings by scanning through your five senses and noticing what is present around you.
Try micro-movements: wiggle your toes, stretch naturally, or allow yourself to yawn. Think movement on a smaller scale.
Social connection with less pressure— send a friend a meme or a funny real
The In-Between
(What if I'm somewhere between these two states or just feeling a little stressed out?)
There are times when you may feel stressed or dysregulated but not fully in hyperarousal or hypoarousal. Then what?
Check in with yourself. This can be a great opportunity for reflection.
Use a preventative or supportive tool—something that nurtures your mind and body in the here and now.
Explore whether there may be an unmet need asking for your attention.
Consider what supports are available to you.
Notice whether you can connect with and move alongside your emotions as they arise.
A Personal Reflection
What would you add to these lists when you think about your own unique nervous system?
This can be a great starting point for reflection and self-discovery.
Remember that getting to know your nervous system is a process—a beautiful journey that ebbs and flows alongside us. Stay curious and see what unfolds when you make space for that curiosity.
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Get in touch and schedule a free consultation call with Brittney Brossart, MSW, LCSW-C, LICSW today.
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Online in Maryland and West Virginia
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